Wednesday, April 22, 2009

things

I'm seriously lacking in anything interesting to say. Pretty much everything I've said in the past 3 weeks still stands true. I read this story the other day, and thought I'd share, as I just cracked up (you may not think this is funny at all...I tend to laugh really hard at things when I get home from work!)

Baked Beans - One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way homefrom work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly,"'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!" He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!! Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my handsback on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused, ''Happy Birthday!''

4 comments:

Vanessa said...

haha! too funny!!!!

wendi jo said...

You would think that was hilarious.

Janel said...

I have to confess, I died laughing, and Madison just looked at me and asked "what mommy, what's funny mommy??" Thanks for the great laugh!!!

Anonymous said...

This is a great story! Made me laugh out loud!
Aunt Sandy G